Breaking Point

This being the first five day week I’ve worked in awhile, it REALLY hurts. And it has nothing to really do with the fast that I have a longer commute than I used to (of course it does help) or that I pay four times more to get to work now  (I don’t pay rent anymore – it’s fine fine fine).

What gets me is that I literally do NOTHING all day long because as an assistant the only way I have work is if people are giving it to me. And NO one is. Seriously, I am actually envious of my friends like the Splenda Stealer and Geraldine who are missing in action on gchat during the day due to being soo super busy.  I hate that I have a low impact job forcing me to spend my days completely inactive, god awful bored, and miserable.  In fact I was on the verge of tears on Wednesday reviewing the past 6 months where I probably spent 45% of the time just killing time. In 30 years I’m going to look back and wonder what happened to my mid early twenties.  Then I’ll remember that all my precious time was spent waiting for the end of the day and ultimately the weekend.

I look at people around me who are driven and seeking the next window of opportunity to move up the corporate ladder – you know, succeed. On the other hand, I think I may be physical unable to care.  During my year review, they asked what my goals were for the future. I had no response, knowing my future is filled with travel and liberating myself from the office environment.   They said that they want me to stay with the company and move forward.  I find that hard to believe. I have a big pout on most of the day, am not fun to have around, and hate office social events. In order to fulfill my office destiny, they encouraged me to be proactive.  Take more steps to further involve myself here at the office. Make lasting friendships and join the family. Don’t be an outsider! Your antisocialness freaks everyone out and wishes you were replaced by someone who actually is a joiner! You’re the next one  be laid off!  Ha, fine they didn’t say all of that. But if I was in their shoes, that’s how I’d feel. Oh well.

Everyday I wake up I wonder if I can bear another day. A day that I can guarantee will be god awful slow and uneventful.  I try to tell myself that it’s going to be a great day and to look forward to it. One more day closer til I leave for New Zealand.  They say live in the now, but how is that possible when I do not like my now. And probably never will. Well for my duration at this job anyway.

Sorry to be a downer.  This would be a more appropriate post for a rainy Wednesday, not a suprisingly sunny Friday. It’s hits me harder on certain days than others.  This must be one of them. Maybe sour patch kids will chear me up…

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Breaking Point

  1. Jay

    Sorry to read about your situation. I can hear it now: your friends will tell you something like “Oh, I wish I could be in your position and get paid to do nothing.” Sure, when you put it that way it sounds good, but personally for me a situation where I’m under-stimulated is plainly mind-numbing; not everyone gets that.

    You’re right about people telling you to try to get more involved and into other people’s business. On some level though, I’d probably resent the fact that I’d even have to do so. I suppose you’ve got three options. The first option is to do the whole pro-active thing and really get entrenched. The second option is to do nothing and just pray that someone will pull the trigger so that you’ll be free because you’d be foolish to quit on your own. The third is to actively search for another job.

    Anyway, whatever happens, good luck. Hope you find better days.

  2. kristicu423

    Thanks Jay for all your good words. I figure for now I’m just going to suck it up, stop complaining, do what I’m paid for, and make the best of it til’ September. Things are only as bad as you make them out to be.

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