This being the first five day week I’ve worked in awhile, it REALLY hurts. And it has nothing to really do with the fast that I have a longer commute than I used to (of course it does help) or that I pay four times more to get to work now (I don’t pay rent anymore – it’s fine fine fine).
What gets me is that I literally do NOTHING all day long because as an assistant the only way I have work is if people are giving it to me. And NO one is. Seriously, I am actually envious of my friends like the Splenda Stealer and Geraldine who are missing in action on gchat during the day due to being soo super busy. I hate that I have a low impact job forcing me to spend my days completely inactive, god awful bored, and miserable. In fact I was on the verge of tears on Wednesday reviewing the past 6 months where I probably spent 45% of the time just killing time. In 30 years I’m going to look back and wonder what happened to my mid early twenties. Then I’ll remember that all my precious time was spent waiting for the end of the day and ultimately the weekend.
I look at people around me who are driven and seeking the next window of opportunity to move up the corporate ladder – you know, succeed. On the other hand, I think I may be physical unable to care. During my year review, they asked what my goals were for the future. I had no response, knowing my future is filled with travel and liberating myself from the office environment. They said that they want me to stay with the company and move forward. I find that hard to believe. I have a big pout on most of the day, am not fun to have around, and hate office social events. In order to fulfill my office destiny, they encouraged me to be proactive. Take more steps to further involve myself here at the office. Make lasting friendships and join the family. Don’t be an outsider! Your antisocialness freaks everyone out and wishes you were replaced by someone who actually is a joiner! You’re the next one be laid off! Ha, fine they didn’t say all of that. But if I was in their shoes, that’s how I’d feel. Oh well.
Everyday I wake up I wonder if I can bear another day. A day that I can guarantee will be god awful slow and uneventful. I try to tell myself that it’s going to be a great day and to look forward to it. One more day closer til I leave for New Zealand. They say live in the now, but how is that possible when I do not like my now. And probably never will. Well for my duration at this job anyway.
Sorry to be a downer. This would be a more appropriate post for a rainy Wednesday, not a suprisingly sunny Friday. It’s hits me harder on certain days than others. This must be one of them. Maybe sour patch kids will chear me up…