It’s been a week and a day now since I moved back home. Strange how quickly time goes by, but yet can still drag along. Overall, it’s been going very smoothly. My parents are a tremendous help getting me to and from the bus (my mom has been driving me and my dad gets in around the same time, so we go home together) and – knock on wood – there hasn’t been traffic or cause for distress. Home cooked meals & real live lunches. I’m talking cold cuts my friends! I haven’t seen cold cuts in years. Life in Hoboken was miserable scrap peanut butter & jelly sandwiches. Now there’s a selection. Wonderful. In addition, a washer & dryer. No more dragging my laundry 3 blocks to the laundromat. AND, our beautiful cat Thorsten sleeps with me. Sounds good right?
But. There is the bad that has been bringing me down. Really, this morning a tear or two actually slid down my cheek thinking of the guaranteed week of office boredom. Throw in 2 extra hours of a commute and I have actually felt my spirit break a smidge.
You know, the 45-hour long bus ride doesn’t bother me. I read, listen to music, or nap. Just great. The problem is that by the time I get home, eat some dinner, and sit down for a moment, it’s basically time to go to bed. Oh, wait, more time is taken to find something to wear, make a lunch, and clean out my work back. THEN go to sleep. Last night I felt I was on the verge of a panic attack pondering when I’ll ever have a chance to go to a yoga class again or a run. Exercise and energy go hand in hand. I will not have energy if I don’t exercise, but I have no energy at the end of the day to do so.
I think it’s easy to think of positive things and acknowledge blessings in life. It’s a whole other story when you are in the fog of sadness and discontent. They tell you to live in the moment,but how can you when you hate the moment your in? These are the battles my brain faces on a daily basis. Maybe they are all tests of strength. Get through and you will be rewarded…
….By going to New Zealand!
So my goals at the moment is to make the best of it and pick the intensity up a notch. Who has the energy to be a wah waher all summer? Who wants to be around that? Not me. I can’t even bear to be around myself when I get all pouty. So that’s it. All you will hear from now on is the positive. Because the only way good will come is if you put it out there.