Robbing The Intellectual Homeless

Yesterday during my lunch break, I decided to treat myself to a walk around a couple blocks, with a finale at Borders to admire books that I can’t buy.  I know, that’s not very nice to do to myself. Even though the book store generally turns into a kennel in which I’m touching and loving the books saying, “I’m sorry but I can’t take you home. I can’t afford you…I’m only here to play”,I generally like to go and browse to see what’s new, who will be reading at an event, and for future book purchases.

I love buying books. As in if I had a choice between….what would be the extreme? Ok. Say I had the choice between the gift of the ENTIRE Twilight series or a weeks worth of groceries…you know what I’d choose? I’d go for the books and deal with kitchen scraps for the next couple days.  So in reality, I shouldn’t be lapping around bookstores because who knows how long I’d be able to control myself.

Yesterday’s visit ended in a mental note of 15 books I planned on reading sometime in the future and then went back to the office for another 5 1/2 hours of boredom.  Did I mention that effective January 1st my office hours expanded from 5 to 5:30?  I know wah wah 30 minutes.  But what you don’t know is that those 30 minutes in fact make my commute longer because EVERY SINGLE person heading back to Hoboken gets there at exactly at 6. Whoopee just like me! So now instead of getting home at the delightful time of 5:45, it has now been basically been pushed back to 6:45-7:00. AWESOME.  Gotta love dedicating the entire day to work.

Sorry. Sorry to angrily rant a bit. I got to the Port Authority and holy mother of god, the lines for the buses wrapped around every twist and turn of the building. With an angry snarl, I kept turning and turning, while muttering with myself, “OH NO! Oh god no. no no no no no. NOT ANOTHER CORNER WHY?????”, when *poof*, like an angel, my roommate appeared!  I hopped in line with her and chitty chattied our way back to Hoboken.

When we finally arrived at home, were happy to discover a wonderful, but common, Hoboken surprise. Free books on our stoop! Hurray!  In a sample sale quality frenzy, we  tore through the box exclaiming, “Oooooo! the first book in the “Lord Of the Rings” series! Yay! The “6 Wives Of Henry The Eighth”! Ooooh Asian pattern book! YES the “Secrets Behind Grimm’s Fairy Tales!” and my personal favorite—“The History Of Cat Illustrations Through The Ages! Yes my friends, we got them all!

My miserable work day was immediately erased by the joy of free books and knowing they wouldn’t be cast out in the cold or on the streets, but safe and sound on a bookshelf right where they belonged.

Later, I re-told my story of good fortune when the bomb semi-dropped.

“Kristine, people just left books on your stoop? Couldn’t it have been a homeless man’s box of books? He could have left them on your stoop for safe keeping to go pee in your alley and while he was gone you robbed him!”

Omg. Could you imagine? He figured being homeless in Hoboken was a hell of a lot safer than being one in NYC. While walking by, took a look at my stoop and figured it was safe, so quickly ran into the alley. Vanessa and I appeared like rabid dogs, savagely decapitating his box of treasures, only leaving the scraps behind.   Not only did we destroy his book collection but also his HOME.

Well.  I started reading the “Wives of Henry The Eighth” last night and it’s fantastic.  So. If I happen to see him glaring my way later, I’ll hand him a peace offering. We have some left over bottles of champagne from New Years… Do the homeless drink champagne?

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4 Comments

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4 responses to “Robbing The Intellectual Homeless

  1. Courtney

    If I were living on the street and someone gave me champagne, I would cry tears of joy. Even now, if someone gives me champagne, I will cry tears of joy. I don’t know why that bubbly has such a hold on me.

    Can I also mention that you may be best blogger alive?

  2. Ha, I go to Borders and do the same thing…drool over all of the pretty, pretty books that I can’t really afford (and don’t really need). Thanks for stopping by my blog and for the advice about yoga. I enjoyed browing your blog, and I will say that I’m slightly jealous that you live close to the big city…maybe someday I’ll make the move to a city myself.

  3. Vanessa Nessa

    By the way, i grabbed the 80’s dance party jams CD…and yes it will be heard, most likely during a late night dance party in the living room!

  4. Pingback: Dear James Frey, « The Adventures Of Kristine

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