Near-Sighted Matchmaker

Yesterday, my friend Chiarina & I went for lunch at this place Margherita’s down the street that I have really been meaning to get to.  Literally over the past year, when ever I was about to pass by their front window, would slow down and make a mental note to go there soon.

As expected, we had a wonderful dining experience.  In general, it was welcoming and a great representative of a classic Italian family restaurant. On top of having great food, you could tell they really take care of their regulars.  I’m sure they have the same people  come in every week and have learned all each others lives.  It becomes not just a meal, but a place you consider a second home.  Having once been a waitress, customer service and building relationships  was always important to me, so I tip my hat to establishments that share the same ideas as I do.

ANYWAY, we had a great lunch. Started off by splitting a tasty Caesar salad and then penne vodka with chicken for Chia and penne with broccoli and chicken in a olive oil based garlic sauce for me (just in case you were wondering).  While finishing up, an older Italian gentleman next to us took a long hard look and then yelled in our direction, “the one day my friend isn’t here, you are..”

I replied with a very confused, “huh? What? What do you mean?”

Older Italian Gentleman said, while chugging the rest of his glass of red wine, “Well I think your just what he’s looking for!”  Obviously his friend Hank has bad taste. I was filthy and looking tiredly wretched, after going out long & hard for Chia’s bachelorette party.  

He proceeded to tell us all about Hank, what a wonderful catch he is, and why I ultimately belong with him:

  • Usually he goes with OIG to Margherita’s  every Sunday.  This week in particular, Hank couldn’t make it because he was spending the entire day at church. Yes. Not just an hour, but the entire day.
  • He’s a sweet heart. He is like a son to IOG.  He likes him better than his two actual sons. REAL nice.
  •  Hank’s a super light weight.  After a mere glass of wine,  gets wasted and extremely annoying.
  •  He recently got laid off, so is  depressed.  Hank worked in finance and while they did give him a generous severance package,  is bored and ready to get to work. Everyday, he goes to play golf and then has dinner at the club house.

IOG told us these wonderful details, all the while shaking his head cursing that Hank wasn’t there to meet his obvious soul mate.

 Finally, we had to cut him off and say it was time to go.  Nice to meet you, blah blah, see you soon, and off we went!

Ok. I would absolutely HATE Hank and I’m sure he wouldn’t have been a fan of me.  Imagine our first day.

KC:  So tell me, what do you like to do for fun?

Hank:  Golf and church.

KC:  Oh…ha, well I have zero interest in golf and consider myself a spiritual person.  I don’t follow any particular religion…

Hank:  (spitting out his drink) WHAT? OH no no no. Unacceptable….. Wait whooooa I don’t feel so good.  I shouldn’t have drank that cosmopolitan sooo quickly….

KC:  (sipping her stoli & club and rolling her eyes) Right. So tell me? What do you do for a job?

Hank: (starting to sob)  I. GOT. LAID. OFF. What was IOG thinking? Setting me up with a drunken pagan??? CHECK!

Yeah, no thanks.

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