Am I Thinking Too Much & Living Too Little?

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about life and the idea that there is something specific that each of us are meant to do.  Why else would we be created “just so” if there wasn’t a bigger plan than this?

While walking along Madison Avenue on Friday, I was busy filling in Andrew (this guy I recently started dating) on my night prior at the Russian Samavor with The Splenda Stealer & her friend Chris.  I told him about the last time I saw Chris and how he waited just the right moment til I was borderline drunky to drop the BIG question bomb on me: 

So tell me, what are your passions? 

I cried. I cried because I don’t think I have a passion.  I would probably know if I did

Andrew was amazed and dumbfounded by this and I immediately felt ashamed in some way becuase I guess he automatically assumed I was a passionate person.  He is.  It is one of the reasons I was initially attracted to him.  Andrew bubbles with passion and has these wonderful plans for his artist endeavours.  And then here I am. An empty vessel. A hollow of a human being.

I think the only way to truly define the word passion and “get it” is if you actually embody it. And I most certaintly do not. So please, give me a definition because I am at a loss.

I turned to my handy little red dictionary for the technical answer and here is what it has informed me:

Passion: (1) the sufferings of Christ between the night of the Last Supper and his death.  (2) strong feelings: the emotions as distinguished from reason. (3) rage, anger. (4) Love: an object of affection or enthusiasm.

Yesterday, The Splenda Stealer and I got to talking about passion and you know what? Maybe the whole concept is over-rated.  It seems to me that in order to have passion for something in life, it goes hand in hand with pain and irrational behavior. And I don’t know if I’m cut out for that kind of life.  Ughhh how many pretentious-over-the-top-artsies have you heard proclaim to anyone who will listen about “their art” and “their passion this and that”.  Does your passion consume life? Does it dilute actual reality?  Or is it a double edge sort where you never will be satisfied with or without it? 

I can relate to that. There are numerous things in my life that I love and feel a void without it’s presence.  Half the time, I wish it would just go away.  If it wasn’t there, then I wouldn’t feel empty. 

BUT, I always have believed that with passion, talent should follow.  Hmmm…. maybe I don’t let my passions bloom because I’m not overly talented in one particular area.  I am pretty much average and so-so at many things, but not above average at anything.  Or maybe I haven’t found my passion, so in that case have been saving myself for something big. 

So many questions.  So many thoughts. And it makes me wonder if I’m thinking too much and regardless, life is still moving by.  Am I’m missing out thinking about life when I should just over myself and live it?




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3 responses to “Am I Thinking Too Much & Living Too Little?

  1. A passion of mine is stealing splenda and writing to tell about it.

    I don’t think it’s good to have just one passion. Why put all your eggs in one basket? What’s wrong in dabbling in whatever brings you joy??

  2. I hope that you are at least passionate about living life right? Or at least passionate about having fun? Or maybe passionate about writing?

    Everyone has a passion or at least something they love! I personally don’t think that it’s good to only have one Passion. Offhand I can name off at least five passions of mine: blogging, playing world of warcraft (i’m a nerd), running marathons/working out, my dogs and keeping up with my best friends Guile, Duke and Laelene.

    You see, those could count as passions. They don’t make me irrational, but they make me happy I’m alive, at least.

  3. kristicu423

    Aright, maybe I was being melodramatic. Or I guess not clear. Or maybe it’s just the strength of the word “passion” that throws me off. There are so many things I love in life.
    Writing, music, yoga, art, reading, running, creativity in general, nature, and I could on and on and on. So perhaps if you can’t chose just one, it means that your passion could just be life?

    That’s it. My passion is life. Done & done!

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