Why I’m Still Single : A Wednesday Edition

First of course, updates & a quick work of advice.

Last we spoke about my living situation, our crappy roommate was moving out. This week, she asked Meg if she could push her move-out date from October to November 1st because her plan fell through I guess and wanted to move-in with her sister. Psh. We agreed that a) why should we go out our ways to help her out when she has not been friendly, considerate, or a good roommate in the months we lived with her b) it’s her own bad karma for giving us so short notice. Now she has to do the scrambling around making plans. Sorry sister, but the world does not revolve around you. c) showing the apartment sucks. We have like 4 people coming to see it tonight and 2 tomorrow. Showing the apartment = not having a life. We want to get someone in there ASAP.

So I saw the alleged crappy roommate last night and said hello. What did I get? An evil blank stare. OH hell no. I went right into my room, texted Meg with a “oh that Crappy Bell. I walked into the apartment and said hello to her and she ignored me. She is sooooooo out!” HELL no am I helping out someone who doesn’t have enough courtesy to even say hello.

Nexxxt

Quick word of advice: NEVER go out on a Tuesday night, drink 2 large mix drinks, and then follow them with 2 shots of Jaiger and then another one of vodka. Your just asking for trouble. I mean, luckily I’ve never been there, but I’ve heard it causes you to be miserable all day and arrive an hour late to work. Oooopsa

Ok. Now the reason to this post.

(The scene: At a local bar around the corner. Kristine, the star of the show, is chatting up her friend Nina, whom she hadn’t seen in awhile)

Stranger: Excuse me…I love your tattoo! (sniffling giggle) I think I’m going to get the same one!
Kristine: Oh, (fake laugh) nice..?

(Kristine looks at the stranger and notices he is a very short petite old man. Typical, she thought. This is apparently the only breed of people attracted to her anymore. Not only is he way out of her dating age range, but she could pick him up and put him in her pocket)

(Later. She sees someone else she knows and proceeds to chat him up. Coincidentally, the pocket old man is friends with friend chatter).

Pocket Old Man: (mumbles under his breath) are you smitten with anyone?
Kristine: excuse me? Huh? What did you say?
Pocket Old Man: I said, ‘are you smitten with anyone’?
Kristine: (thrown off) oh, ha, I don’t know, I guess not. Well maybe. Kind of. Well.
Pocket Old Man: (giving her a look of confidence) well, (yet another sniffle giggle) that’s good for me then.
Kristine: ha…right.

Seriously. This is all I can hope for out of life. Senior Citizens that I can push around in a stroller.

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