While riding the bus into work this morning, I got a way early phone call from my friend Hennessey. We chatted it up with some light ladi-dah conversation when all of sudden her voice changed and said, “hey, I have a question for you. Can I nominate you to be the next Bachelorette”? I replied with a ,”HA are you kidding me”??
Hennessey explained that they are looking for the next Bachelorette and thinks I’d be just perfect for it, how I’d make for good reality TV and so on. So I agreed. HOW FUNNY WOULD THAT BE?
Later, as I walked to work, started to daydream about my season and I’ve come up with two case scenarios.
1. I’d be on the show, meet the guys, and they would all be super tools, like the ones on “I Love NY” or “Tila Tequila”. They would obviously be these grossed-out benny-ish guys with huge muscles squished in little t-shirts, with terrible tribal tattoos and impeccable eyebrows. The guys would so be the ones who try to trick me that they love me after 2 days, in order to advance their careers, or so sappy wah wah-delusional in love with lovers that I’d want to throw up. And perhaps I would. Daily. When the producers interview me about how I felt about each guy I would say, “ugh, omg he is terrible. What were you thinking when you picked him for me.” “Oh and him? Ugh booooring. I couldn’t see myself with ANY of them.” This would lead me to be hated by many and enjoyed by few.
2. Perhaps the producers would inquire in what times of guys I liked and I would reply with, “Umm. Artists. Writers. Musicians. CHARACTERS. Kinda dirty, lots of tattoos. Weird. And makes me laugh”. Maybe they would create a new spin-off show “Character Showdown!” in which 20 crazy weirdos would be competing for my affections. Ahh that would be wonderful. And in order to be on the show, they would have to provide a list of favorite books, movies, pictures of their tattoos, and have to live in the NYC area (including Brooklyn, Hoboken, JC, etc.) I am not falling in love on prime time television just to be disappointed when I discover my love lives in Montana. And I’d like my show to be live or as close as possible. I don’t want to wait 5 months until we are reunited on the reunion special and have my heart broken when my character has grown tired of me.
So get ready, Fall 2008, for I will be the NEXT Bachelorette!