The Horror of the 14th Floor

At the moment, I work in an office on the corner of 41st and Lexington. Looking at it, you would think it’s your typical office. It is average in size, with a modest 20-something floors and really, you would never notice it unless you had a reason to go there.

Then you begin to work there and the vision of the establishment changes. How do I begin to paint the picture of this building ?

Maybe we’ll begin in July 2007. This job was the first that I have ever had in an office. Back in college, the main reason I never got an internship was because I couldn’t bare the thought of working indoors all summer when I should be basking in the sun. By the time July rolled around, I started to get the “I am cooped up indoors-no beach days” blues. Then a steam pipe exploded right in front of my building, blasting asbestos into the office and blew out most of the windows facing Lexington. Is it wrong that I felt personally blessed for the explosion? Thanks to a slow moving Environmental Department, I got a beautiful month and a half of summer time.

Lets move forward to about a month or two ago. One morning while trekking up to work, the elevator trapped myself, a co-worker, and a delivery guy in for almost an hour. That was fun. Ooo even the fire department came. Whats more exciting than being stuck in an elevator? That would be being stuck hungover when all you want is water and coffee. My co-worker was in there and had a huge bottle of water. I had to hold myself back from not robbing her of her water and muffin.

Our office is conveniently located on the 14th floor, which holds mismatched offices filled with some of the weirdest people I have ever encountered. We must be the cheap floor because all 9 or 10 suites share one bathroom, and to my knowledge none of us have kitchens. This means there is always somebody in the bathroom rinsing out a cup, Tupperware container, or filling up a pot to make coffee.

What I find odd, well one of many things, is that the office down the hall has a door bell. Why does an office need a doorbell? Do you think someone maybe lives there? Maybe they have so many Jehovah witnesses and guests stopping by that they need it? Or perhaps the boss hates HATES the sound of a knock on the door and there are doorbells installed outside all off the doors in the office. I thought maybe it was just something left over from long ago, but this office in particular got the most damage by the explosion and had to get stripped. This means that the door bell was actually thought through and intentionally put there. Hm… who could I call to question?

Ok. The bathroom situation on our floor is mortifying. It’s as if they gathered every women who has no shame to share a bathroom together. These women. Ugh, just gassy-heavy breathing bathroom users, almost to the point of me wanting to throw up. Just last week, I rolled in to wash out my coffee pot and there is this lady whom E & I often get caught in random conversation with finishing up.

Anyway, I walk into her sighing and spraying air-freshener into a stall. She turned to me and said “I am SO happy it’s Friday. Better I go now instead of having an accident on the way home.”
Me: Oh (haha, forced laugh) how do you get home…?

Her: I got a nice looong train ride back to (insert her home here…I don’t remember) better safe than sorry.

As she was about to leave, turned and went back into the stall exclaiming, “Oh, just alittle bit more”.

REALLY?

And then of course there was the time that someone threw up in between the door of the bathroom and the hallway and the best was when I was convinced someone was doing drugs in the stall next to me.

Anyway…

I don’t want you to think I am completely hating on the building because there are some great things about it.

a) our mailman, ups guy, and dhl guy are all great. Seriously, I love them all. Always a friendly hello and nice chit chat.

b) We have a Cafe Metro inside of our building (they have the best food EVER), Dunkin Donuts next door, and a place across the street that you can get literally anything you imagine. Amazing breakfast sandwich? Check. Mmmm tasty low-fat chicken salad wrap? Check. Salad bar? Yes. Pizza? Yes. And so on.

c) From all these places we steal heavy amounts of plastic utensils, straws, and splenda, so thank you.

d) Anything else? Well….ok. I got one more. Next to the elevators there are these amazing mirrors with wonderful lighting that make you look glowing and slim. I swear. If your ever in the area, try to run past the door man and admire yourself. Seriously. It’s wonderful.

So there you have it Ladies and Gentlemen. I would like to say I’m surprised that I work in this circus, but come on, whats the fun in normal?

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